A Mother's Heartache: Surviving the Unthinkable

I sit here today, my heart heavy with a pain that words fail to describe. There isn't a bone in my body that doesn't ache for the children I once held in my arms, their laughter echoing in our home, their innocent eyes looking at me with trust and love. There isn't a drop of blood coursing through my veins that doesn't yearn for the days when I was their guiding light, their safe haven, their mother. Yet, here I am, living a reality I never imagined — abandoned by the very children I devoted my life to.

It's a strange feeling, waking up one day to find that the roles in your family have abruptly changed. One day, you are a mother, a caregiver, a provider, and the next, you are a stranger, an outcast, a memory. I didn't choose this reality; it was thrust upon me in the cruellest way possible. My children didn't just move out; they erased me from their lives, replaced me with strangers, and never looked back.

Every day, I woke up as a nineteen-year-old, young and bearing the scars of an abusive past, and made the choice to put my children first. I knew they didn't choose to be born into this world; it was my responsibility to ensure they had the best life possible. I chose them over my own wants and needs, over my own opportunities and aspirations. I worked tirelessly to provide for them, to ensure they had a good life.

I attended every sporting event I could afford, celebrated their birthdays, and gifted them presents during Christmas, all alone. I did everything I could for my children. Yet, despite my efforts, they chose to turn their backs on me.

My son, who once thought the world of me, turned into a bitter stranger. He held onto his anger, refusing to consider any perspective but his own. Similarly, my daughter, who once adored me, looked at me with hate-filled eyes and accused me of abuse.

I find myself constantly questioning everything. I worked tirelessly to be the best mother I could be. I sacrificed my happiness to see them smile, worked multiple jobs to put food on the table, and loved them unconditionally. Yet, for reasons I cannot fathom, it was never enough.

I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope, teetering on the edge of despair, with no safety net to catch me if I fall. Every decision I make, every step I take, seems to push me further into the abyss.

As I navigate through this storm, I am reminded of a quote by Harriet Beecher Stowe, "When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." I am in that tight place now, but I won't give up. I will weather this storm, and I will come out stronger on the other side.

Another day has come and gone, and the pain of missing them is still as fresh as ever. It destroys me every day that I wake up and they haven't noticed my absence. I feel small, unimportant, like everything I did was all for nothing. I feel like if my own kids can't love me when I gave them my best, how is anyone else ever going to love me.

I long for a relationship with my children, not just when it benefits them, but all the time. I yearn to be treated like a human being, to be acknowledged for my efforts, my sacrifices. I didn't ask for this. I didn't run away from my responsibilities. I stayed, I fought, and I loved with every fibre of my being.

Yet, here I am, abandoned by my children, my world turned upside down. I'm left with a million questions and no answers. How did I raise two children only for them to leave and hate me simultaneously? How did I go from having both of them to having neither? How can I mean so little to the people that mean the world to me?

As I grapple with these questions, I find myself standing at a crossroads. I can choose to let this heartbreak define me, or I can choose to rise above it. I can choose to let their actions break me, or I can choose to remember the mother I was, the love I gave, and the sacrifices I made.

I am more than just a mother abandoned by her children. I am a fighter, a survivor, a woman of strength and resilience. I am a woman who, despite the odds, gave her all for her children. And no matter what, I will continue to be that woman. I will navigate this life unseen, and I will find a way to live the life I honestly want to live. I will rise above the pain, the heartbreak, and the betrayal, because I am more than my circumstances. I am a survivor.