Redefining Love and Toxicity: Embracing Self-Respect | HempyHeals Blog

Self-inflicted misery is akin to crying over spilled milk. We've all been there, letting someone in and later realizing they trampled all over us. But here's the kicker: how they treat us is often a mirror of how we've allowed them to treat us.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. If someone's treating you poorly and you're letting it slide, guess what? You've inadvertently given them the green light. It's like training a dog to jump through hoops and then being shocked when that's all they know.

I used to be a people-pleaser extraordinaire. If there was an opportunity to please, I was all over it. But often, I overdid it and ended up shortchanging myself. I couldn't grasp why I seemed obsessed with being mistreated. It was almost like if someone wasn't awful to me, I couldn't recognize any other way of being treated.

Then, at thirty-seven, I met someone who made me want more out of life. They made me want to be better, to aspire for a life I never imagined. Yet, in my toxic state, I pushed them away to a tragic end. Initially, I blamed them for everything, but in that loss, I found a humbling clarity.

It took that loss to realize my patterns. I saw my upbringing's limitations, the generational curses, and the consequences of choices made decades ago. Suddenly, everything I hated about my life became my responsibility. My pain, my sadness—it stemmed from my actions or reactions, whether by making bad choices or allowing things I shouldn't have.

Losing them changed my lens. Love, toxicity, everything morphed into a new reality. And it hit me hard—I'd been denying my role in my own miseries. I had to lose something profound to understand what love truly meant. The word "toxic" went from a label to a lifestyle post their departure.

But in that upheaval, I found a chance to reconstruct. I realized my past doesn't define me. Who I was, who I became after the chaos settled—that's what matters. I fought against being who I was supposed to be, and it only led to hard-earned lessons.

Today, I refuse to dwell on what's gone or who left. I'm steering my ship towards self-respect. The past owed me nothing, just as I owe it nothing now. Every day is a chance to learn and grow, leaving behind the echoes of yesterday's sorrow.

So, I'm taking control of my "right now." I'll let others learn their lessons when their time comes. I won't cry over spilled milk anymore—I'll clean it up and move forward. Because who I am today isn't who I'll be tomorrow. And every new day is a fresh opportunity to embrace a new beginning.