Redefining Love and Toxicity: Embracing Self-Respect | HempyHeals Blog

Delve into a compelling series of introspective reflections chronicling a transformative journey from self-inflicted misery to self-discovery on HempyHeals. These posts unveil raw experiences of recognizing toxic patterns, learning from loss, and embracing personal growth. Join in as each narrative unravels layers of resilience, unveiling the power of self-reflection, and the pursuit of self-respect amid life's adversities description.


12/19/20232 min read

silhouette of ship on sea during sunset
silhouette of ship on sea during sunset

Self-inflicted misery is akin to crying over spilled milk. We've all been there, letting someone in and later realizing they trampled all over us. But here's the kicker: how they treat us is often a mirror of how we've allowed them to treat us.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's true. If someone's treating you poorly and you're letting it slide, guess what? You've inadvertently given them the green light. It's like training a dog to jump through hoops and then being shocked when that's all they know.

I used to be a people-pleaser extraordinaire. If there was an opportunity to please, I was all over it. But often, I overdid it and ended up shortchanging myself. I couldn't grasp why I seemed obsessed with being mistreated. It was almost like if someone wasn't awful to me, I couldn't recognize any other way of being treated.

Then, at thirty-seven, I met someone who made me want more out of life. They made me want to be better, to aspire for a life I never imagined. Yet, in my toxic state, I pushed them away to a tragic end. Initially, I blamed them for everything, but in that loss, I found a humbling clarity.

It took that loss to realize my patterns. I saw my upbringing's limitations, the generational curses, and the consequences of choices made decades ago. Suddenly, everything I hated about my life became my responsibility. My pain, my sadness—it stemmed from my actions or reactions, whether by making bad choices or allowing things I shouldn't have.

Losing them changed my lens. Love, toxicity, everything morphed into a new reality. And it hit me hard—I'd been denying my role in my own miseries. I had to lose something profound to understand what love truly meant. The word "toxic" went from a label to a lifestyle post their departure.

But in that upheaval, I found a chance to reconstruct. I realized my past doesn't define me. Who I was, who I became after the chaos settled—that's what matters. I fought against being who I was supposed to be, and it only led to hard-earned lessons.

Today, I refuse to dwell on what's gone or who left. I'm steering my ship towards self-respect. The past owed me nothing, just as I owe it nothing now. Every day is a chance to learn and grow, leaving behind the echoes of yesterday's sorrow.

So, I'm taking control of my "right now." I'll let others learn their lessons when their time comes. I won't cry over spilled milk anymore—I'll clean it up and move forward. Because who I am today isn't who I'll be tomorrow. And every new day is a fresh opportunity to embrace a new beginning.